Dating / Gay Tribes / Relationship Advice

He’s Not Out of Your League…Ever





I recently received an Instagram message from a follower.  He asked me if I had any tips or experience on approaching guys who are “out of your league.”  Apparently, he knows someone who he considers out of his league and is a bit intimidated to approach them.  This got me thinking – what are “leagues” anyway and why should they deter anyone from talking to anyone else?

I figure I should use my many, many years of dating and social experience to inform those of you who did not already know – men ain’t shit.  It takes all of those years of experience and self love to get to a place of realizing that leagues don’t actually exist.  Through meeting numerous men and concurrently learning about myself, I have realized that people are often not as amazing or awe-inspiring as we paint them to be in our heads.  We seem to create a picture of certain people in our minds based on, perhaps, our own insecurities of ourselves.

For instance, I always feel like I can have a better body.  If a guy has an amazing body and you don’t, you may perceive him to be out of your “physical league.”  I can’t tell you the number of times I have been ignored or straight up told that my body is not good enough to meet or hook up with someone.  I actually recall a time someone said, “it’s a shame you don’t work out because you would actually be really cute, you have a good face.”  Uh, thanks bro.  Sometimes I would meet with these guys who had bodies “out of my league” and they would be gross, stupid, or straight up rude.  It took all of those instances for me to learn, it’s just a fucking body.  All of ours are different and that doesn’t make one of us superior to the other.  This guy’s body is better than mine, but I have more degrees, manners, and a way better sense of humor.  I thought he was out of my league because of his abs, but I’m actually out of his because of everything else!

At other points in my life, I have felt “not cool enough” for the LA scene.  When I would come across social media “influencer” types, I would be especially impressed with them.  I would think wow – this guy has all his cool friends, he wears the best clothes, he knows everything about the city and what to do.  Let me tell you, those influencers (and I have met several) are often some of the most insecure and boring people.  After many of these dates, I felt like these guys were dumbing me down.  They seemed to only care about doing things so they could post a highly curated picture of the experience.  Even if they had the worst time somewhere, they would make it appear amazing online.  They would be on their phones instead of paying attention to our conversation.  They were generally annoying to be around (no offense to the few normal influencers).  It took all of these times for me to learn, these guys aren’t cooler than me or out of my league, I feel cooler than them for just being a normal person and not obsessing over the Internet and how I appear.

It boils down to this.  There is no such thing as a league if you have the inner confidence to realize that you should be the most important and impressive person to yourself.  I completely appreciate that it takes years of self discovery and confidence to get to that place mentally, but hopefully this little article will help.  Instead of investing time obsessing over guys that you think are better than you, I encourage all of you to put that time into things that will make you feel better about yourself.  Go experience new things, read more books and become an expert on something, work out, paint, get your degrees – whatever it is that will make you feel like the best version of yourself.  When you do those things, you will hopefully realize that no one is ever out of your league.  We all bring different strengths to the table.  When you love yourself completely, leagues disappear and it’s more about finding someone who complements your strengths (and brings their own) in just the right ways.

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