It seems like I am always ranting about being single or how dismal the gay dating scene is. The truth is, I love the idea of love and think we could use some nice examples of successful gay relationships. In this round of #SpillSesh, I talk to several followers who are happily taken and get their advice on how they are making it work. Our first couple, 28 and 30 years of age, asked to remain anonymous. From meeting on Tinder to dealing with a partner’s judgmental religious family, they offer some great tips on how to have a successful gay relationship.
1. How long have you been in your relationship? Are you dating/engaged/married?
We have been together for 3 years and married for two!
2. How did you first meet your partner?
We met on Tinder. I just arrived to America and wasn’t looking for anything serious. We both swiped right, started talking there every day and finally set a time to go out and meet. When I got in his car and shook his hand and truly looked at his eyes, I just knew. That night he said you know I am gonna marry you right? I said not if I marry you first! it was crazy because that happens only in movies, but it happened to us!
3. Is this a monogamous or open relationship?
We are monogamous and actually don’t understand why you would need a third person in your bed. We hate that aspect about the gay community, promiscuity still is a scourge, however, we do feel comfortable seeing guys and saying “he’s hot” and liking pics on Instagram or calling other guys my Instagram boyfriend. But no, we’d never bring someone else into the relationship. We don’t know if people do it because sex is boring, which is definitely not our case at all.
4. Did either of you have to overcome any “red flags” you first noticed about one another when you first started dating?
It was harder in the beginning for us because of his family. They are crazy Republicans. I am Venezuelan and his parents thought that I only wanted a green card. Other than that I am a neat freak and he is the messiest person I’ve ever met.
5. When did you first meet each others friends and family?
I met his friends shortly after getting together, some of them I like, some of them I don’t and life has had a way of showing him that they were not his friends. I met his parents for Christmas, they came to Florida where we live and it was very awkward because they are very religious and extremely conservative and it was shortly after he finally told them he was gay, which they of course did not take well. His dad texted him with such hatred that I just wanted to punch the mofo in his face. His mother told him don’t tell anyone in my family that’s shameful. But everyone else in the family has been so supportive and actually have told them that they’re the ones who are wrong. They have become not supportive, but respectful of me since I am not afraid to speak my mind and tell them to shove it!
6. What has been the biggest challenge of your relationship so far?
His family for all the above mentioned stuff. We also struggled with the fact that I didn’t have a job for a couple months and he was the sole supporter but I think every couple faces that at some point. We are also both very stubborn men and fighting is usually a big deal. I’m Latin so I don’t seek for help or go to therapy, I just deal with it my own way and he’s all about telling his friends and to me, that can become oversharing some times.
7. What has been the easiest part of your relationship so far?
Loving each other no matter what, laughing and being goofy as it if were day one still!
8. Do you have or do you want children with your partner and does any aspect of that make you nervous as a same sex couple?
Yes, we do, but we’re not in that place right now. We both agree that we need to be more financially stable and enjoy being the two of us for at least 5 more years. Having children is not for everyone and we respect it but don’t share it.
9. What is one thing both of you have done differently in this relationship vs. your past relationships that you think has made this successful?
We don’t go to bed while we’re mad, for me, that’s very important. We like to talk about our opinions on different matters and see where they can meet.
10. If you could change one thing about your partner, what would it be (if anything)? What’s something you hope never changes about them?
What I hope wouldn’t change is his passion for his career. He’s a speech pathologist and works with children with autism and different speech impairments and even though he’s messy in his personal life, all his files and treatment are the most organized and detailed things I’ve seen. All of his patients and their parents completely love him and that means a lot to me.
What I would change is how stubborn he is.
11. Has this relationship made you better off as individuals? How?
Yes, my life was moving between hook ups and relationships that were not going anywhere because I kept falling for guys that did not want one, or were not ready for it. Now I can’t even remember the name of those f*ckboys. I can also see how my actions take a toll on someone, and how i have to take into account that whatever I do, whether big or small can affect it him somehow.
12. Do you think it’s any harder for gay people to have successful relationships than heterosexual couples? Why?
I don’t think so. I think that from the social acceptance point of view we have progressed so much from maybe 20 years ago. From the relationship point of view, you still have the same issues.
13. How do you handle conflict in the relationship?
We talk about everything, we like to see where our opinions can meet and make it better and easier for us. We don’t fight a lot but when we do it is big.
14. The key to a successful relationship is ________ (fill in the blank).
Trust, telling each other how you feel, not doing the same thing over and over, finding something new about your partner every time you see him, and being happy not all day, but being happy everyday!
15. Any other thoughts, comments, advice, tips?
If you feel it’s not for you, move on! If you feel uncomfortable, tell him! If you can’t see it going somewhere, it won’t and life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t make you happy, and trust me sooner or later he’ll find you!