Dating / Gay Divorce / Gay Marriage / Relationship Advice

The Gay Man Who Married A Woman For Tax and Healthcare Benefits





Over the years, I have come across some interesting stories in the gay dating arena.  Some through my own experience, some through others.  One tricky situation that comes up (admittedly, rarely) is the gay man who you would like to date who has a major secret – the gay man who is married to a woman.  It’s not what you think, this is not the closeted gay man cheating on his wife.  Due to the unfortunate fact that gay marriage has only recently become legal across the states, many gays were married to women for reasons of convenience.

On more than one occasion, I have heard of gay men marrying their foreign (female) friends in order to help them with immigration through marriage to the United States. Plainly illegal, but having dabbled in immigration law, I doubt the U.S. government wants to get into calling out fraudulent marriages by outing gay men (that would be a whole new set of legal issues).  Personally, I have some trouble dating a man married to a woman (for any reason).  It kind of ties him up as far as things getting serious between you two.  I can’t blame the guys for thinking gay marriage would not be legal and helping a friend out, but I would hope a divorce would be in order so they could move on with their actual gay destiny.

Most recently, I met a man who was married and had children with a woman.  They were never in love and he was never straight.  They were just good friends and they wanted to have children together.  Accordingly, it made the most sense for them to also be married to get optimal tax and healthcare benefits for the family.  I asked him how this had been working for him and he seemed very happy with the arrangement.  It would concern me if he met the man of his dreams and that man wanted to get married.  Do the tax benefits outweigh love?  I’m not sure how he would answer.  That being said, I think there are quite a few gay men in similar situations and it will be interesting to monitor how the tides turn with gay marriage completely legalized.

Questions, comments, concerns, think you may need an attorney?

@Lex, Esq.

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