I recently made a post on The Problem Gays Instagram about this particular issue. Most of my text posts are intended to be funny, silly, or general truisms about gay relationships. This post seemed to strike a chord with followers. I got a couple of direct messages about it as well as some replies.
The post read:
“Show me a gay couple with an income disparity bigger than 10% and no jealousy or competition. I dare you.”
Some followers said: “Wow. So True,” “Truth,” and “True dat!!!” I loved the variation here by the way!
Another said: “That’s horrible!! I know if I love someone that would never be an issue for us. I want love!! No amount of money could make me want anything else.”
A third follower agreed with the above comment and replied that my post was “kinda pessimistic.”
So why did I post it? I have found in more than one instance in my own life that an income disparity seems to create a competitive dynamic in gay relationships. Age also plays a factor here. Generally, if I am the younger partner making more money it is an issue for the older partner making less money. I will be the first to say that my posts are often very one sided and jaded. I certainly have met guys that do not value money, titles, or material possessions at all. I think that this issue creates a very interesting dynamic in any gay relationship with two men, since men are classically known for their egos and power trips.
So what do I think about income disparities in relationships? I think that it is often on the mind(s) of the partners to the relationship. We all like to be in love with our equal in one way or another. Whether this is our spiritual equal, our creative equal, our TV-preference equal, or our financial equal. Only on a case by case basis can you determine whether or not money or titles are causing jealousy or competition in a relationship. For myself, I generally like to date men that I perceive as “on my level” in one way or another – be it career, passions, age, life goals, etc. As such, I think being similar shouldn’t lead to competition, but rather, motivation and mutual inspiration to achieve more and do better as a couple. I think love should always be about making each other better.
In closing, I want to say that The Problem Gays is intended as a forum for all of us to express our opinions. I will always try to be fair and show all sides of a conversation, especially when one of my posts gets such different reactions. That’s what this page is about. A way for all of us to discuss these issues from our own perspectives. I only have one perspective so your participation is what makes this pop! Thanks again for following.
Questions, comments, concerns?