Dating / Domestic Violence / Restraining Orders

The Violent Ex…Transitioning from Creepy to Not Ok





Most gays feel that they are irresistible – granted. This is generally a great feeling, especially when someone you are dating feels the same way about you. But what about when things go wrong? What about when that obsessive ex royally messes up and it’s time to go your separate ways. You’re walking away…but he’s following. Suddenly, the fact that you were irresistible to him becomes quite dangerous. You used to be bae, and he will not be ok until you are bae again.  I write this post from experience. Gays are a small community and often, that ex knows that another “you” will not be coming around again. Sometimes, this leads to harassment, abuse, threats, and even violence.

My story? I went on a couple dates with a guy. It did not work out. Later, I found out that same guy was dating a mutual friend. This was upsetting to me, because that mutual friend knew I had gone on a couple dates with the guy and we both agreed that he was crazy. So why would my “friend” date this crazy guy? He was rich. My shallow friend did what a shallow person does and dated him anyway. I really did not care until the “ex” started threatening me. He heard that I called my friend shallow for dating him, and that I was talking sh*t about him. Suddenly, he came to the friend (his current boyfriend’s) defense. This would be really chivalrous and great, normally, but when it came to my phone in the form of death threats, it was not ok. This crazy guy started stalking me at school, telling me where my car was parked, and telling me he was literally going to kill me. Troubling, more, is that he was a DA for Los Angeles County. At the time, I was very scared because I knew he was rich, I knew he knew how to work the legal system, and I knew that if I did anything to protect myself or report him he would become even more upset. So I did nothing, and I lived in fear and looked over my shoulder for months. Eventually, he “apologized” and I never heard from him again. But I could have done more.

Are you dealing with a crazy ex like this? Often, we overlook situations that are very dangerous and can end up tragically. Answer: Restraining Orders. If someone is harassing you or threatening you, you have the right to obtain a Restraining Order to protect yourself. You can be protected whether or not this was someone you dated, someone you have never dated who is stalking you, your current husband, your ex-husband, etc. There are options for you to ensure that the legal system has record of this abuse and to ensure that this person stays away from you. If this person is willing to violate the Order, there are some very serious repercussions for them. Please do not be like me and risk putting yourself in danger out of fear for what this crazy person will do when you get a Restraining Order. Because if they are willing to violate the Order, they are willing to hurt you in the first place anyway. To me, it’s not an option.  More on restraining orders in future posts.

Questions, comments, concerns, think you may need an attorney?

@Lex, Esq.

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